Sex and the City Man

He was quite promising to begin with. I’d been very naughty and went to an event run by a rival to Élan. (I was duly phoned up and told off). This rather good looking guy was perched on a stool at the bar. We decided he looked like the big shot business man in Sex And The City who went out with Samantha for a while. I saw him again at another do the following week. This time he asked me out. I wondered if things were looking up in my life- I should have known better.

Mr Keen

A very promising beginning. I went on a course and he was smiling across the room at me all day. I didn’t take a lot of notice. Married men do that all the time. And I was busy chatting to everyone that I hadn’t seen for a long time. But at the end of the day he flipped a note onto my desk.

‘You’re gorgeous. Would you like to meet for a drink?’

Twelve Contender Boatman

I met Twelve Contender Boatman through Singles for Sloanes. In Sloane Square, naturally. He very quickly tells me that he is semi- retired (an accountant) and that he is searching for a companion to travel round the Alps this winter with him. In his spanking new four wheel drive Beamer, staying in chalets and skiing. Doesn’t sound too bad a life. I wonder if the dull accountant talk is worth it. Then he tells me that he has a 38 foot boat in Poole (where his other house is) and that he has just sailed to France for a week in it. Mmm I thinks to myself (it's not the first time I’ve impersonated Sherlock) – he didn’t sail that on his own.

Élan for Elegant Evenings

I was being really good about my resolution so I also joined a singles outfit, holding what were grandly described as parties for professional people. Some nice venues, places I wanted to go to, though with a pretty huge mark up when you looked at the cost of the set menu. It was run by a disreputable looking Jewish guy. He didn't look the part at all. Scruffy with a huge paunch. One compensation he did have a good line in gossip.

Singles for Sloanes

2012 was supposed to be the year when it all happened. Do you go out and look for happiness or do you wait for it to come and find you?  If you don’t make an effort then life might pass you by.  Though it is becoming increasingly evident that the route to happiness is not via the male sex.

January 1^st I joined the Sloane Dating agency. New Year resolution accomplished. Well done Daisy. They sounded up-market. The lady who came to see me was certainly very posh. And she assured me that he wouldn’t have any trouble finding me men. Well I suppose it depends what you classify as men.

Grumbles from Grenada

Well I still don’t seem to have worked out how to propitiate the rain god. The weather hasn’t been great here in Grenada. The red flag is wafting in the wind still as I speak. But I’ve had enough sun to get a tan. Though no-one will see my strap marks, as its winter and we all have loads of clothes on and there isn’t anyone around at the moment to see me with my clothes off.

The hotel is still nice too but I’m not sure who rates highest on the scale of importance, the staff or the guests. I’m only here for a week and so far we’ve had the staff children’s party all over the beach and the staff dinner party so we all had to eat fast and early and the cooperate do in the beach restaurant, so we couldn’t use it at all. We’ve also had no hot water for two nights. Burst pipe. I’ve just washed my hair in some coppery coloured liquid coming out of the tap at 2 cm a minute. I am off to dry it and see if I’ve now got auburn highlights.

Driving Miss Daisy

August 14

I am pleased to report that I am back in pampered hotel land. My hotel In Kuala Lumpur only has a five kitchen cafe this time, but it still does a buffet. And I can see the Petronas Towers from my window. Though I’m not sure how sensitive it is of the Malaysians to refer to them as the tallest twin towers still in existence.

August 15

KL has definitely changed since I was here last- ten years ago. Lots more skyscrapers and when I venture out I might mistake this for the UK, or possibly the USA. The busy mall opposite is very up market - Chopard, Tod’s- although there are also McDonalds and M & S. It’s five minutes walk, but the hotel runs a buggy service there. The Malaysians don’t like walking and they love shopping. The guide told me they select hotels based on their proximity to the malls. He also told me they are thinking about building drive-in mosques, where you don’t even have to get out of your car. I’m not sure if that was a joke or not.

The weather pattern is currently sunshine in the morning and rain in mid-afternoon I’m informed. The countryside is hazy. This is blamed on the Indonesian forest fires.

Eddyfication

July 26 

Spend most of the day at Changi Airport wailing for my one hour flight from Singapore to Sumatra. That  isn’t too awful by the time I’d visited the butterfly garden, swum in the rooftop pool, done a free tour of Singapore, had a massage, eaten sushi, done some shopping, sorted all my photos and kept up with all my emails in the free WiFi areas. Did I do all those things? No, but I could have and I did some of them...it’s actually peaceful - so much better than LHR. 

July 27

Joined my group. Nor much to report on that front except that there is a sixty something Aussie guy who spent most of his first night out clubbing, so God knows what he got up to! 

The tour leader is an Indonesian called Eddy. He’s not very steady and certainly is never ready. And he’s not really a leader either. There are four staff on the bus. Eddy, a driver, a backup driver, who holds the microphone cable for Eddy (in case he does try and say something that we don’t understand), and a boy to keep the bus clean (though I haven’t seen him do anything yet). He stands up the whole way. 

Who wants to be a millionaire?  Move to Indonesia-it’s back to the land of silly money again. Eddy lent me some cash as the ATM wouldn’t work and I now owe him a million rupiah. We went to see a small and pretty boring mosque and a more interesting, but very small sultan’s palace, with one room that was open, in Medan. Then we set off in awful traffic to see the orang utans. At this point one of the party announced that she had left her luggage in her hotel room as she thought we were staying in the same hotel again.  So we had to go back and get it amidst ever increasing traffic. Well at last the bar is set pretty high for any acts of doziness that I might commit in future.

McChinastruggle

July 16

At airport. I am on the upper deck if one of those huge horrible planes I have had nightmares about so am trying not to panic. It's massive and I can't believe it can possibly take off. 

July 17

I am in Shanghai and I have the most amazing hotel view from 27 floors up right down the river & across to the Bund. Well worth the money! 

I was obviously over excited by the great hotel and the views and over tired by the long journey. I went out, took over a hundred photos of the city lights and then realised I had been pick-pocketed. Fortunately only one credit card and no money as I hadn’t drawn any out yet.  So I called the bank and cancelled the card. Hope I don’t lose my others!