Sex and the City Man

He was quite promising to begin with. I’d been very naughty and went to an event run by a rival to Élan. (I was duly phoned up and told off). This rather good looking guy was perched on a stool at the bar. We decided he looked like the big shot business man in Sex And The City who went out with Samantha for a while. I saw him again at another do the following week. This time he asked me out. I wondered if things were looking up in my life- I should have known better.

He said that he lived in Parson’s Green, so we agreed to meet there by the tube. For the first hour things went swimmingly. We got on well, we chatted, he listened. He said he fancied me, did I want a relationship? I drank cocktails. But then he stopped drinking. It’s a bit early I thought. I asked if he wanted another and he said he would get me one. I said not unless he had one as I was already squiffy. So he got himself a teeny glass of wine. Then he suggested that we went for walk along the Fulham Road to get a coffee before I caught the train home. Sounds harmless I thought (too much flawed thinking going on).

We got out of the pub and he set on me a bit. It was quite pleasant. Though he got incredibly hot and bothered about it all. Then we walked and we walked and we walked. I wondered which coffee place he had in mind. We seemed to have passed quite a few. Till he suddenly says,

 ‘We’ve walked a long way haven’t we? Further than I thought. And O my goodness there's my house’.

It was the cheap end of Fulham. Stupidly I went in. There wasn't too much of an onslaught and his live- in daughter came home anyway. Though I didn’t get to see her. There was a lot of shouting through doors. And I insisted it was time to go home.

‘Ok’ he said, ‘I’ll point you at the station.’

Clearly I should have just given up at that point. Instead I set up birthday let down number two. We agreed to meet on my birthday itself. He said I could choose where. I offered the option of a pub or a restaurant. Not much is open on a Sunday. He predictably chose the pub. Then I discovered there was a quiz on and texted the bad news. Now we’d have to go to the restaurant.

‘Good,’ he said, ‘I love quizzes.’

He was late. While I was waiting I was  accosted by a guy who wanted me to make a porn movie. When he came he ordered me a one plate roast (he’d eaten he said), but suggested I bought the drinks. No present no card, not one flower. He said he’d thought about it. And he didn’t know the answers to any of the quiz questions either.